Funny Quotes

1. "He is accompanied by a young lady I presume to be his girlfriend and also his mother."

2. "The patient was starting to get confused approximately two days ago. Previous to that, she was completely lucent."

3. "The patient's husband is by her bedside in no acute distress."

4. "End-stage liver disease with portable hypertension."

5. "The patient underwent laparotomy and cholecystectomy for appendicitis."

6. "The patient presented to the emergency department at her house."

7. "heart rate is in the 115s"

8. "The patient just looked at me when I asked the questions blankly."

9. "The patient was pronounced dead at 2:35 a.m. and the patient was notified."

10. "The patient presented with a nosebleed yesterday at the emergency room without stopping."

11. "There is enlargement and increased attenuation of seminal vesicles which may resent tumor extension."

12. "An autopsy was offered to the patient"

13. "Deep vein thrombosis was started prophylactically."

14. "The patient has had multiple dental operations for intestinal obstruction."

15. "Amputation of first and second digits of the left toe."

16. "cut with the harmonic scapula."

17. "ENT: No recent respiratory function. "

18. "CARDIOVASCULAR: The patient has congested rales in both lower extremities with diminished breath sounds on the left. "

19. "The patient has a groin in her left knot."

20. "the patient "rapidly effervesced on antibiotics."

21. "Apparently, she has had prostate surgery."

22. "A midline incision was made in the previous patient's incision."

23. "The patient had an acute bout of hematemesis and experienced some vomiting."

24.  "She is married. She is a widow."

25.  "Her breath sounds were somewhat distal but clear to auscultation."

26. "The patient was ignited flash pulmonary edema."

27. "Smoking sensation consult was submitted."

28. "Endocrinology was consultated."

29. "GU: Normal male. Circumcised rash."

30. "This is a coquettic 77-year-old male."

31. "The patient has a history of one vaginal pregnancy."

32. "In addition, we will cessate vital sign taking."

33. "We will check a homocystine level in light of his history of early cardiac death."

34. "He and his wife drove by ground."

35.  "He does have a lot of pain his larger hips attributed to degenerative arthritis."

36. "GYN exam shows significant penile edema with foreskin that is unretractable."

37. "The patient is engaged but currently single."

38. "The abdomen was soft, nontender, nondisplaced."

39. "Occasionally he sits up on the side of the bed and the room gets dizzy."

40. "At the time of decease, he was basically unresponsive."

41. "The patient has 1+ pedal edema in the left hand."

42. "Her brother is a male."

43. "He was treated with IV bronchodilators."

44. "The patient bread-fest well."

45. "DISPOSITION:  Discharged the patient home with parents in an infant car seat." 

46.  "The forceps were disarticulated, and the maternal shoulder was delivered."

47. "Her pain management regime has been, by her report, reasonably well treated."

48. "...is on multiple medications for pain management control"

49. "His tongue was kind of thick secondary to probably overabuse of narcotic medications."

50. "Apparently he is not followed by any physician who drinks on a regular basis and smokes at least 2 packs a day."

51. "Pelvic pain unresponsive to medication of unknown etiology." 

52. "The patient has noticed some bloody, painful bowel movements particularly with defecation."

53.  "Icteric aspirin."

54. "The patient is able to cut the grass with her cane."

55. "Angioplasty to the circumfrench coronary artery."

56. "The Bovie was incised in the midline with the Mayo scissors."

57. "A child who came in with "chest pain not associated with any nausea, vomiting or diuresis."

58. "A patient who came in with marked hypothermia and was put on a cooling blanket."

59. "She should take her Aciphex the morning of surgery holding her other medications."(Editorial comment: Now what difference does it make WHAT she is holding when she takes the Aciphex?)

60. "The patient is actively dying." (Editorial note: Does that make it go faster?)

61. Doc did an upper endoscopy and at the end...."The stomach was desufflated and removed."

62. "The patient continued to continue on her current course through the course of her continued hospitalization."

64. "These were a little bit more impressive than the x-ray would have liked me to believe."

65. "She got up and the room got dizzy."

66. "She does spontaneously mobilize the feet on the right lower extremity as well as that on the left."

67. "The baby was handed to the waiting nurse on the mom's abdomen."